


Home

by LondonGypsy



Category: Kane (Band)
Genre: First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Realization, Silly boys are silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-01-01
Updated: 2011-01-01
Packaged: 2017-12-04 04:31:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/706574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LondonGypsy/pseuds/LondonGypsy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Christian is thoughtful on New Year's Eve.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Home

**Author's Note:**

> I'm transferring my old fics here, this is an old one. 
> 
> Its inspired by Christians New Year's tweets from 2010/2011:  
> ("Standing with my toes in the cold water in Laguna Beach. Listening to "A Long December" by C. Crows. Can't think of a better place to be... "and "I think next year will be OK.....")

“What are you doing there, man?”  
Steve approached Christian from behind, looking amused from the thick sweater to the bare feet of his best friend. It was cold and the man wasn’t wearing any shoes but the rest of him was formless under dozens of layers of clothes.  
“Nothing, just... dunno, man, just being, I guess.”  
Christian glimpsed over, head tilted to the side, lids fluttering a bit and Steve was almost sure he saw him blush a little. But Christian turned up his collar and hid his face under the big scarf that was tightly slung around his neck.  
Steve smiled lightly to himself while he slowly walked along the waterline, deeply inhaling the fresh air and just enjoying the wonderful day. 

It was New Years Eve in California and they went to Laguna Beach for the afternoon. None of them didn’t know why they wanted to go there, but Steve had taken his Mom's dogs with them. They were running over the almost empty beach, chasing each other and barking against the onrolling waves. Steve grinned as he saw how Claire was trying to catch the water and he laughed out loud as she jumped back, startled as the water came close enough to wet her paws.  
“You're a little coward, huh, Silly?!,” he mumbled as he bent down to pet her as she padded over. She licked his hands and watched him with trusting eyes.  
“Ahh, you're such a cutie, hmmm,” Steve cooed as he straightened his back. He gave her a pat to sent her back to play with Cody. 

He let his gaze roam over the scenery; the sky, arching wide over the ocean with his blue,grey and white waves, rolling slowly against the sand, mist hanging deep over the water. The beach was almost empty, only a few people were there, taking a walk, playing with kids or their dogs. It was a bit chilly for a December day in Cali, but Steve didn’t mind. He pulled the thick sweater a little closer around himself and walked back to Christian, who was still standing at the waterline, naked feet dug deep in the wet sand. Once in a while the water came close enough to lick on his toes. His hair was half hidden under the ridiculous red beanie he wore a lot lately; the cut on his head had healed good, but it was still a little sore, and brushing his hair wasn’t easy, so he wore hats most of the time. His cheeks were still a little red, but that could have been from the cold wind blowing in gusts. 

“Hey, you.” Steve said quietly, standing right next to him.  
Christian didn’t react and Steve leaned over to pull out the headphones from the other man's ears. Christian blinked; he must have been in deep thoughts. Steve smiled at him.  
“Where are you, Chris? You look as if you are damn far away.”  
Christian looked at him with big blue eyes, an intensity in them Steve hasn’t seen yet.  
“Been thinking,” Christian answered, voice low and deep.  
“Oh, don’t hurt yourself,” Steve teased, nudging his side.  
He frowned as Christian' flinched at the touch.  
“You okay, man?,” Steve asked, trying to read his best friend's face.  
Christian shrugged, hunching his shoulders as if he was freezing, eyes on the horizon.  
“Dunno.”  
Steve frowned a little more. That was so not Kane-like; he had barely seen him that thoughtful and absent, not around other people at least.  
But he knew him long enough and he also knew that Kane had his moody days. The only thing was that he mostly was drunk when his melancholic periods hit. Now he was sober; they only had coffee today,  
“Dude, you're scaring me a little,” Steve said jokingly, trying to raise the mood, but Christian shot him one of those looks he used when he was really pissed and Steve jerked back, holding up both hands.  
“Okay, man, sorry, didn’t mean to annoy you.”  
He stepped back, irritated by the behavior of his friend. He had been a little strange the last few days, Steve realized now. He was quiet and secluded, as if he wasn’t really there, always a bit absent and abstracted in deep thoughts.  
“Maybe we should drive back home,” Steve said, a hurt tone in his voice; he had thought he knew Christian, but now he couldn’t understand his unusual behavior.  
Christian turned his head, looking at him, frowning.  
“Hmm?”  
“Back. Home.” Steve said pointedly, whistling for the dogs,  
“Why are you mad?” Christian asked, narrowing blue eyes at him.  
“Me? Mad? Nah, I'm not mad.” Steve shrugged., ignoring the bitter feeling in his stomach, turning his back on Christian, trying to get the dogs to listen. But they were running far away over the sands, ignoring his calls.  
“Yeah, man, I know you too well, you are mad. Why?”  
Christians voice was closer now and Steve turned, just to step back hastily cause suddenly he stood nose to nose with the man. He felt the warmth radiating against him even through all the layers of clothes Christian was wearing.  
“What the fuck?” Steve breathed, shocked by the sudden urge to hug the man tightly and drowning in the warmth he provided. He shoved his shaking hands in his jeans pockets.  
“Have you ever thought about that?” Christian asked, blue gaze pinning Steve in place.  
“About what?” Steve asked, banned by the intensity in Christians tone, not able to move.  
“Home.” Just one word, but filled with so much desire that a shudder ran down Steve’s spine.  
“Huh?”  
“Home”, Christian said patiently, observing him closely, before he continued.  
“You know, the place, where they love you, no matter what. Where you are welcome at any time. Where you can go whenever you need to. Where you can just be you. Where you don’t have to play games or hide who you really are. Home. I've been thinking about that all the time, ya know. All the time we've been on the road, doing all those gigs and shit.”  
He paused a moment, swallowing hard and then:  
“First I thought its where my Momma is, but then I realized that’s not really true. Cause there is only one place where I can be me. Only one place where I really can let go and don’t have to hide anything... ” His voice trailed off and his hands played absently with the cables of his headphones.  
Steve frowned at him, confused and irritated. He had never seen him like that.  
“Christian, what is it? You know, your Momma loves you, hell, she is happy for every hour you are home....”  
“But that’s not home,” Christian interrupted harshly, grabbing Steve's shoulders. Steve's eyes widened.  
“What?? You always said, Oklahoma is home...”  
“No, it ain’t” Christian said simply, holding Steve's confused gaze and Steve felt something deep in his stomach flip. He opened his mouth to say something but Christian preempted him.  
“You are.” It was only a whisper, silent and almost unheard over the sound of the rolling waves, but Steve heard it, loud and clear. His mouth went dry, his palms got sweaty and his heart fluttered.  
“What?,” he croaked. His head was spinning and his knees felt like they would give out any second.  
Christian's fingers, digging hard in his shoulders, were the only thing that kept him from falling.  
“You. Are. Home.” Christian accentuated every word with a little squeeze, “you are where I can be myself, you know me best, better than anybody else. With you, I don’t need an actual place I can call home. When you are not there, I'm restless and grumpy. But as soon as I see you, know you are coming, I'm calmer. I always wondered what that is. Thought it was cause we know each other for so long, thought it was cause we have so much fun together. But you know what? That's a lie. I fucking need you. Nothing else. Ask Tim, or Aldis or Beth .I've been so obnoxious the last days on set. But as soon as I got the call that we would do the radio tour, I changed. My mood was better, I didn’t feel like I'm drowning every second I had to stay there. And as you walked in, with that fucking smile of yours and you hugged me, I knew I don’t need Oklahoma or my Momma or anything else. I only need you. Cause you are my goddamn home...”

Christian's voice faded until the last words where only hushed. Steve stared at him, mind wiped blank, not able to tear his eyes off of the face in front of him. The face he knew for 12 fucking years, the man he knew for so long, that he never realized, how much he meant to him.  
Christian's cheek flushed pink, but he held his gaze, an expression in them Steve couldn’t read.  
They stood there, frozen while the world kept moving around them.  
Slowly, very slowly, Christian moved his hand away from Steve’s shoulder. It hovered a second in the air before he laid it on Steve’s cheek, cupping his face as if it was fragile.  
Steve sighed and leaned into the soft touch and everything fell in place.  
“Oh, fuck...” he breathed as he made a step forward and brushed his lips over Christian's. Soft and careful, just a faint touch. Neither of them were moving before Christian's other hand slid up his nape, tangling tenderly in his hair and holding him in place. Steve’s palms ran over Christian's upper body, up his neck to do the same; they slid under the beanie and he sighed at the feeling of the soft strands beneath his fingers.  
He moaned as Christian's tongue tipped against his lips and he opened them to let him in. Soft and warm, and Steve couldn’t resist to tip against his tongue with his own.  
O god, the feeling was amazing. Carefully he nudged it and got answered by a slow touch back. He groaned at the explosion of Christian's taste in his mouth, unconsciously pressing closer against the other man. Christian's lips were sealed over his own, tongue moving a little more, adding a little more pressure. Steve’s body was covered in goosebumps, his stomach felt as if it was filled with fire and his face was burning. But he didn’t care.  
Cause in this very moment he realized that Christian was right.  
This was home, right here in the arms of the man he knew for too fucking long as that he had seen what they really felt for each other.

He forgot everything and concentrated on the feeling of Christian against him, the feeling of his hair under his fingers, the incredible feeling of his tongue against his own, the feeling of his tingling nerves and the burning need in every cell of his body. The butterflies in his stomach, the hot breath mixed with his own, the taste of coffee and Christian, the smell of his aftershave, all these sweet little noises Christian made against his mouth.  
Christian pulled him closer, bodies pressing hard against each other as the kiss got deeper. Steve whimpered helplessly, so many emotions washing over him he had never felt before and he edged against the other man even more; he wanted to melt into the heat and the softness of the other man, wanted to feel every inch of him, become one with him.

The need for air made him pull back; panting and with burning cheeks he looked up to find these gorgeous sapphire eyes on his own, filled with emotions he knew were also showing on his own face.  
He was lost for words even though there was no need for it. Steve managed a soft smile, caressing Christian's face with his thumb, never taking his gaze of him. 

He saw so much longing there, so much hope and he cringed. His own eyes were burning with tears. Christian's entire being showed the anxiety, the pain, the insecurity of a man who struggled over fucking years to finally confess his feelings for his best friend. Steve’s heart stuttered and he ran a finger over Christian’s lips, watching him shiver. He wrapped his arms around the other man, pulling him as close as possible, wanting to hold him for the rest of his life. Christian stiffened for a second before he gave in and returned the hug just as hard.  
As Steve pulled back he searched for Christian's hand and he tangled their fingers together. Christian watched him with those stunning blue eyes and Steve’s breath caught in his throat. He leaned in and kissed him again, carefully and soft; this was all so new for him. As Christian returned the kiss, Steve knew that this was all he needed, this was all he wanted for the new year.

This time Christian broke the kiss. He took one step back, fingers still entwined and he tilted his head, trying to read Steve’s face.  
Steve looked at him, open and honest, waiting, and finally Christian's lips curled into a heartbreaking, breathtaking smile.  
Steve felt as if the sun came up and he couldn’t help but smile back. Christian lifted his free hand and tucked back a strand that fell into Steve's face, running a finger gently over his cheek.  
“Home,” he whispered hoarsely, eyes burning with a fire, Steve hadn’t ever seen there but he vowed that he wanted to see it every fucking day from now on.  
“Yeah, home,” Steve repeated silently, tightening his grip around Christian's hand and kissing him again, soft and slow and deep, tongues dancing and playing, both completely lost in each other. 

And Steve knew it was true.  
This was home.  
At the side of his best friend.  
At the side of the man who owned his heart for so long.  
Even then when he hadn’t known.


End file.
